Superman:  Welcome to “Thought Balloons.”  I am your host and moderator, Superman. We are here this week to discuss the new Hulk movie.  Panelists, care to introduce yourselves?

Spider-man: I’m your friendly, neighborhood Spider-man.

Wolverine: I’m Wolverine, and I’m the best there is at what I do; make movies!

Hulk: Hulk smash!

Superman:  I guess we got the dumb version of Hulk.

Batman: What am I?  I’m BATMAN! (chuckles)  God, that always cracks me up.

Daredevil: I’m Daredevil.  I have to point out that I have not actually seen the Hulk.  Or even my own movie, for that matter.

Batman:  Yeah, he’s blind as a BAT!

Daredevil:  Hey, Batman, bite my billy-club.

Superman: What are your thoughts about the new Hulk movie directed by Ang Lee?  Hulk?

Hulk: Hulk bored by first hour of puny Banner.   Hulk thinks Hulk Poodle stupid, too.

Batman:  There were far too few jokes and puns, old chum.

Spider-man:  Oh, no! We got the 1960’s Batman!

Batman:  And the colors were too dull.

Daredevil: No comment.

Wolverine:  I could use a cold one right now.

Spider-man:  I liked the film, although I’m sorry Bruce did not get to hook up with Betty.  Why is it that superheroes never get the girl in the movies?

Batman:  (smugly) Lack of charisma?  Let me tell you, Nicole Kidman is like ten rabbits in mating season.   And Kim Basinger, she really tightens the nuts on my bat-tool!

Superman:  I introduced Margot Kidder to my superfriend, for whatever that’s worth.  Marvel heroes seem to not fare so well as DC heroes in the booty department.

Wolverine: (mumbles) Damned Cyclops.

Daredevil:  Yeah, I did not even get to nail Jennifer Garner before she gets her own Elektra film.  That stinks.

Superman: What were your feelings about Ang Lee’s split screen effects that intentionally resembled comic book pages?

Spider-man:  Just what we needed; to be reminded that Hulk was a comic book movie.  As if we superheroes did not get enough disrespect as it is.

Batman: I liked the effect, but the film needed more visible sound effects like “biff” and “pow!”

Hulk: Hulk confused by stupid pictures.

Superman:  Can we get a different Hulk here, please?  One who doesn’t speak of himself in the third person?

Hulk: (leaving) Hulk smash hit!  Bah!

Joe Fixit: (entering) Whaddaya want?  I got people to do in Vegas!

Batman:  You look a little washed out, chum.

Joe Fixit: Well, better washed out than washed up.

Superman:  Welcome, Joe.  The Hulk’s origin was changed significantly in the film.  Any thoughts?

Joe Fixit:  Yeah, Hulk was originally gray!  Why was he not portrayed as such in the film?

Batman:  Hulk was GAY?

Daredevil:  He said “gray,” you deaf idiot!   Too bad those ridiculous ears don’t work.

Batman:  Hey, DD.  How many fingers am I holding up?

Spider-man:  In changing Hulks’ origin, the film origin lost the irony that Banner worked with the military for years to develop a weapon that turned him into something hunted by the military.  And let’s not forget that, in the comic, Bruce sacrificed himself to save Rick Jones, thereby redeeming himself for making a bomb in the first place.

Rick Jones:  Yeah, where the hell was I?

Superman:  Hey, who let HIM in here?

Rick Jones:  Yeah, yeah, I’m going.  Never even made it into the Captain America film…

Punisher:  Well, they better not screw with my origin in my film.  I’ll saw off their heads with a weed whacker, or I’ll dip them in chocolate and feed them to housewives, or I’ll inflate them with hydrogen and light a fart, or I’ll …

Superman:  I think we get the idea, Punisher.  Do you see sequel potential for the Hulk?

Joe Fixit:  Yeah, turn the Hulk gray, send him to Vegas.  Introduce Marlo and let him nail her good.

Rick Jones:  (offstage)  I HEARD THAT!

Spider-man:  I’m all for nailing the girl in the sequel.  Bring in Gwen Stacey and let’s have a threesome.  Then you’ll know why I’m the AMAZING Spider-man.  It’s like I was bitten by a radioactive horse, too!

Superman:  Yeah, I had to wait for Superman II to satisfy my little man of steel.  Damn, it has been a long time…

Batman:  Way too long…

Wolverine and Daredevil:  Shut up!

Superman:  That’s all the time we have for today.  Next week we will discuss homosexuality in comics.

Batman:  Hey, what are you looking at me for?